A Pachyderm On My Chest

Row 8 x 250 meters, 90 seconds rest


The whole workout started out smashingly. The mysterious piece of debris inside the fan of the Rower That Time Forgot dislodged itself on the first interval and clanged around. I had to stop to let it settle to the bottom, hence the numbers above are actually intervals 2-9, as I tacked an extra one on the end to make up for botched #1.

Rounds 2-4 felt pretty good. I thought “Hey, I shoulda picked a harder workout.” Then somewhere around round 4-ish a gigantic elephant came over and sat on my chest. It’s hard to row with an elephant on your chest. Then on round 7-ish some punks with lead pipes showed up and started thumping me. What with the pachyderm planted firmly on my solar plexus and the beatdown from the punks on the rest of me, I pretty much wanted to die.

But then I thought, “If I die at the Y and no one ever looks in the rowing corner, will anyone know I’m dead?” So I decided to get in my car and die there. Then I thought “The police will probably tow me.” So I decided to go home and die there. I laid down on the couch, but thankfully, I didn’t die. Which is fortunate, because I haven’t seen the largest ball of string in the world yet.

Maybe I can row there.


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