The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Eaten

Behold, what is quite possibly the single worst thing I’ve ever eaten. The wrapper says “Moist and Delicious!” Not quite. More like dry and tasteless with a delightful chemical aftertaste.

Why did I eat it? Better yet, why did I eat the whole thing? Or even better, why did I buy the damn thing in the first place?

Well, first of all, I’m a sucker for anything chocolate, especially when “Oreos” is listed as an actual ingredient. Second, I have no willpower. Third, I use food as a drug. Fourth, I am STRESSED OUT.

Combine those four things and you have the perfect storm. All things cookie/ice cream/chocolate in the five state area will be sucked into the black hole of my mouth and transported directly to my thighs.

The foundations of all this are deeply psychological and probably stretch all the way back to my childhood. I’ll spare you the details. You’re welcome. But know this: I’ve always medicated with food and until I deal with that I will never break through my self-imposed barriers.

Lose a client? Eat a pint of ice cream.

Judo belt test coming up? Eat a pile of french fries.

Taxes due next Tuesday? Eat a freaking cheesecake, baby.

I deeply want to overcome this. I want to be strong and fast and powerful and not have to worry about fitting into my clothes. I want my knees not to hurt anymore.

I want to be comfortable with myself.

I want to be confident.

And that is something that I have NEVER been.


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