Snowpocalypse Shmopocalypse

Hi! Did you miss me?

Um, okaaaaay. Did you even notice I was gone?

(tap, tap) Is this thing on? Anyone out there?

Beuller? Beuller?

So. You’ve heard about the thing in Washington D.C. called the “Snowpocalypse” where the weenies got like, a measly two feet of snow or something and they had to call off the government (thank God!) Big babies. So they can’t go out and get their lattes or sneak a little cash into the pocket of a Congressman for a few days. Wah! Out here in flyover country we’ve had many, many Snowpocalypses this year and nobody feels sorry for us.

In our most recent Snowpocalypse (other than the one raging outside my window right now) we lost electricity, water and phones for 14 days in a row. Can you imagine if that happened in DC or NYC? We’d still be hearing about it. Anyways, normally it wouldn’t be a big deal because out here we expect things like that to happen and we actually buy more than two days of food and store it in our basement, but since we have 160 very large and thirsty cows to water it turned out to be a mini-crisis. 

You see, in the olden days (ten years ago) our cows used to drink out of dams (stock ponds, to you city folk.) We’d chop a hole in the ice and they would drink out of it. But then we had an eight year drought and the dams dried up and we had to pipe water in from the river. The cows got spoiled, drinking cool, refreshing water out of tanks. They forgot all about dams. Besides, they would get their feet muddy if they had to venture to the water’s edge. How uncivilized.

So when the water quit, the tanks emptied quickly. A cow can drink 25 gallons of water a day. 25 x 160 = a crapload of water. We waited for a few days, hoping the water would come back on. No dice. So we started chopping holes in the ice (many Snowpocalypeses having filled the dams by now.) The cows refused to drink out of them. We begged, we pleaded, we cried, we screamed, we bribed. Nothing worked.

Finally, we resorted to hauling water in a 400 gallon tank from our neighbor’s artesian well. Do you know how fast 160 cows can drink 400 gallons of water? Fast.

So for fourteen days we hauled water, opened gates and carted giant bales of hay around. All day. Every day.

It was rather tiring.

Not to mention, we came home to a cold, dark house every night. We hung blankets over the door between the kitchen and living room, hauled a couple of Lazy-Boys in, and cranked up a portable propane heater. Not a big deal. Annoying, but not the end of the world.

So, since it was obviously a CRISIS. I apparently convinced myself I needed to eat every processed crap food I could shove into my mouth. The freezers weren’t working, you see. If the Ben & Jerry’s melted it would go from crisis to TRAGEDY! Couldn’t let that happen, now could we?

Finally, today I smacked myself a little and knocked a bit of sense back into me. Or something like that. I grilled chicken breasts, made homemade almond butter and Paleo chili. I got up early and did the CrossFit Endurance WOD:

40:20 x 5 (40 seconds on, 20 seconds off for five rounds on the stationary bike.)

And tonight I reset to the beginning of the Dan John 40 Day Program:

Deadlift 2 x 5 – 160#
Press: 2 x 5  – 50#
Pullup: 2 x 5 (2 strict, 3 kipping with red band)
DB Swing x 25 with 30#
10 GHD situps

The CF Endurance WOD looked easy enough on paper (ha!) I kind of sandbagged it on the first 40 seconds because I was in la-la land or something. I was going to add an extra harder round at the end but after round #5 I discovered that someone had mysteriously replaced my legs with two stump-like tubes of lime jello.

How odd.


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