Joy and Anguish

100 Day Six Pack Challenge – Day 34

This morning when I walked into the box and saw the workout on the board my heart dropped. To be more accurate, first it jumped up into my throat and then dropped – right through me and to the floor. I’m fairly certain I even heard it make a soft and sad “splat” noise.

Helen. Friggin’ Helen.

I immediately went through most of the stages of grief. 1.) Shock and Denial: “No way, not Helen! There must be some sort of mistake!” 2.) Pain and Guilt: Actually, the real pain comes later, after some guy with a stopwatch yells “3, 2, 1, go! ” 3.) Anger and Bargaining: “You @#%*&! You think because you have a stopwatch and a marker you can make me do Helen? Please, can’t I do 1,000 thrusters and burpees instead? ” 4.) Depression: “Why bother going on anymore? I’ll just go over to the glute-ham machine and hang upside down until I lose consciousness.” 

I literally, viscerally, HATE Helen. I hated it before I started, I hated it while I was doing it, and I hated it when I was done. 

My time was 14:05 with 30# swings. I’ve done it faster, I’ve done it slower, I’ve done it heavier and lighter, but I’ve never, ever, ever wished I could do it again.

I wasn’t happy with my time today. I wasn’t happy with my performance, either. No way did I go hard enough, especially on the runs. I quit on myself. I quit because I hate this workout and because I didn’t want to do it. I defeated myself before I even started. My body didn’t let me down, my heart did, and I can’t live with that.

Then this afternoon I read this post from Jocelyn Forest on the CrossFit West Santa Cruz site.

I am a firm believer that inner dialogue is what separates average athletes from great athletes. That’s why winners win. You will be amazed at how much your inner dialogue will affect your workouts, and your life, especially when you learn to keep it positive.  It’s the law of attraction really.  So next time you find those worried, scared, or tired voices creep into your head, put them in their place.  Try it.  It takes practice but once you master it you will uncover a whole new level of athleticism and personal victory.  It’s just like the saying goes, “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t, either way you’re right.”

So today when I was still stewing about Helen I came to a decision. The next time I see that little witch on the playground I’m going to kick her in the teeth and knock her down. I refuse to let her own me. It’s on, Helen!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

From my low this morning to a high tonight – judo class! We practiced ground fighting all night, it was a blast. Arm bars, triangle chokes, oh my! When it was over everyone was literally soaked with sweat and glowing with accomplishment. I found myself laughing all night – not at my fellow judokas – but with absolute joy. It was just so much fun, and I learned a lot too. Can’t beat that.

Today’s Food:

Picture 1

 

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