Fat Bar Blues

I don’t really have the fat bar blues, I just started typing a title and that sounded pretty good. There’s a twelve bar blues in music, so why can’t there be a fat bar blues? Also, wouldn’t that be a great band name? “In concert tonight, Fat Bar Blues! With special guests The Power Snatches!”

One additional fat bar thought: the other day I went to Google and typed in “fat bar.” I had a brief moment of panic the split second I hit search. That’s the type of ill advised term that will bring up the sorts of things that will scar you for life. Luckily, more people seem to be interested in fat bars for weightlifting that they are for, uh… other things.

Moving on. This workout was scheduled for Tuesday, and as I check my calendar I can’t help but notice that it is not Tuesday. Nor is it Wednesday. Tuesday was filled with what ranchers call “wrecks.” It started in the morning with a broken bearing in an ATV and culminated at 9:00 pm with blood, mud and darkness.

I don’t remember what happened yesterday. Stuff that wasn’t lifting, apparently. At a quarter to nine tonight I decided “screw it, I’m just gonna go start lifting stuff.”

Turkish Get-Up
7 reps per side, 8kg

Fat Bar Deadlift – Sumo
3 x 86# / 5 x 116# / 5 x 136#

Superset
1A. Power Snatch x 3 (53#)
1B. Pull-ups x 3

KB Swings
5 x 10, 10kg

And now I feel much better about life in general.

Adventures In Squatting

To squat, or not to squat. That is the question.

I keep thinking that I should squat. I keep thinking that I can squat. I forget that I have zero ankle mobility. I forget that my calves have less stretch than a pair of hipster skinny jeans. So when I get a case of the squat amnesia, I do ill-advised things like attempting to back squat 80% of my body weight to get a stupid badge on Fitocracy.

Long story short, yes, I got the badge. No, I did not injure myself. Yes, I did remember all the reasons why I should not ever again attempt to do back squats. So if you bump into me on the street and I start talking about back squatting, just pretend you are Gibbs and I am Dinozo and give me a good old whack on the back of my head. Please.

Well, that was Saturday, and after the bone headed back squatting debacle I experimented with some light front squats. Verdict: if I am really and truly careful and do specific mobility work, I think that front, zercher and goblet squats are quite within the realm of possibility.

So today I did:

Hill sprints
6 x 60 yards

Front squat – 3 x 5
33#

Fat Bar Press – 3 x 5
38#

Finisher
5 sandbag zercher cleans
5 sandbag push press
5 sandbag front squats
5 rounds, 30 seconds rest between rounds

Cool down
KB swings – 5 x 10 (10kg)

Panic!

Monday:

Squat – 3 x 5
100#

Press – 3 x 5
60#

Wednesday:

Deadlift – 3 x 5
178#

All last week I ran around in a panic because I thought we were selling our calves on Friday. We had a ton of things to do to get ready: fix fence, fix the corrals, move the yearling heifers to another pasture, move the main herd home from six miles away, sort off the replacement heifers, bull-proof a pen (bull proofing is like child-proofing, if your child weighs 2000 pounds and is really cranky) and last but not least, sort the cows from the calves, truck them to the sale barn and pray to God the market holds up.

I noticed that everyone but me was displaying an alarming lack of urgency. Things were not getting done. I was waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night because we were running late and the trucks were coming in a few days.

Then about Wednesday I realized it wasn’t that Friday, it was the next Friday. I was panicking a whole week early!

So now this week I am panicking all over again, but things are actually getting done this time around. Since I’m in crisis mode, I’ve been following Jim Wendler’s advice and sticking to the basics. Deadlift, squat, press. That much at least will keep me sane until my life returns to normal (whatever that is.)

What’s My Problem?

Lately I’ve been in a funk. I usually consider myself a happy, upbeat person, but there are some things in my life lately that have just been bugging me. As a result, I’ve been feeling sorry for myself. Most of my problems are self-induced. OK, all of my problems are self induced.

The first step is acceptance. Or something like that.

Yesterday, I planned a workout. It didn’t happen. I overslept, was tired when I got home. Blah, blah, blah. Today was more of the same. I was just going to skip it tonight, until I saw this video:

The young lady in that video is Alison McWeeny. When she was 19, she was involved in a boating accident and lost one leg and seriously injured the other. She tied the tourniquets on her own legs and waited over an hour for the ambulance to arrive. Days later she was lifting dumbbells in her hospital bed. Five months later she was entering power lifting and strongman competitions.

So, after watching that, I ask you “What is your problem?”

When I asked myself that, I came up with “Absolutely nothing. Let’s go lift something.”

Squat – 3 x 5
98#

Press – 3 x 5
58#

Know Thyself

Push Press – 3 x 5
73#

then

Complete 3 rounds:

2 Squats @ 85% of 1 RM
Rest 2-3 minutes
2 Squats @ 85% of 1 RM
Rest 2-3 minutes
8 Power Cleans @ 80% of 1 RM – 30 sec rest between reps
Rest 2-3 minutes
8 Power Cleans @ 80% of 1 RM – 30 sec rest between reps

*Rest 3-4 minutes between rounds

This was fun, but it took freaking forever. Over an hour to do all the stuff listed above. It seemed like the rest periods were way too long or I went way too light on the weight. It’s been so long since I tested 1RM in those lifts that I just kind of guesstimated and erred on the light side.

Today’s music:

Out Walkin’ In My Field

More hay hauling today. I took along my 12kg and 25# kettlebells and each time I stopped to wait for my trailer to be loaded I did a 75-100 yard farmer’s carry, immediately followed by a 75-100 yard rack carry, and I did that five times. It just happened to work out that all of the farmer’s carries were uphill and all the rack carries were downhill. A rack carry that far, downhill, on uneven ground is no joke.

When I got home I headed to the dungeon to do a strength workout:

Deadlift – 5RM
103# x 5 / 123# x 5 / 143# x 5 / 163# x 5 / 173# x 5

GHR raises – 3 x 7

16kg Kettlebell swings
3 x 20

Today’s music (great song, weird video):

No Bueno on the Sprintos

Squat
warmup sets
3 x 5 – 93#

Press
warmup set – 33#
3 x 5 – 53#

Handstand hold against wall
3 x max

I was supposed to do some sprints as well this morning, but I played kickball yesterday and I underestimated how much that took out of my legs. No bueno on the sprintos.

I hate squats. I know I’ve said that before, but I really, really, really hate them. My form sucks doggy doody. It sucks so much that my max squat is a full 100 pounds under my max deadlift. I would seriously wonder if it is possible to be that bad at squatting, but apparently it is because I am.

On that note I started the day out with my cranky pants on because I had to do the hated, horrible squats. It got worse when I moved to the presses. I’m like them better but I still suck at them too. Oh, and handstand holds. Yeah, you guessed it, I suck at those, too.

I am still helping haul hay at the ranch, so most of the day is spent in the pickup. I have to park at the bottom of a hill and wait for the tractor driver to arrive and unload me, so I decided to do some hill sprints. I did one, and it hurt. I thought about it and I decided hills always hurt, let’s do another. Then I did another and my body said “Ha, ha! Very funny! Nice try! Let’s just stop this silliness now.” Sometimes you should listen to your body – especially when it laughs at you.

The kickball game yesterday was fun. Our ranching neighbor wanted to have a block party so we all gathered at his house. The “field” was the pot holed, cow tracked, dung piled pasture by his house. The bases were old tires and home plate was some sort of circular piece of steel off a tractor. Precision sprinting was required when dealing with the tires. You couldn’t step on them, had to be careful stepping in them running full speed and you had to dodge the kickball as hitting the runner was deemed an acceptable way to get an out. Home plate had the additional fantastic feature of spinning like a turntable when you stepped on it, so many a player had their feet go out from under them when scoring or kicking a pitch.

What fun!

Today’s music:

Bright and Early

Up bright and early with the birdies to do a workout.

Recline rows – 3 x max

then

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 reps of:

Dips
Plate Slams – 25 lbs
20 yard Farmer’s Walk – 35# kettlebell/hand

*Complete one 20 yard Farmer’s Walk at the end of every round.

I did bench dips on rounds 10-6, then my shoulder started to ache so I did static holds at the top of the dip position on rounds 5 and 4, then back to dips on rounds 3-1. I didn’t time the holds, I just held on until I started to shake and figured that was good enough.

I forgot to feed the cat before I started and he came up beside me during the plate slams to let me know what a miserable failure I was as a pet owner and a human being in general. I didn’t see him and almost decapitated the poor guy with the plate. That would not have been awesome.

Today’s music:

Awesome and Not Awesome

The last two weeks for me have been many things, but most of it can be boiled down into two categories: Awesome and Not Awesome.

Not Awesome

1. I got sick. Last year when I got sick it lasted over a month and I was an eyelash away from internment the hospital. I tried as hard as I could to avoid that this year.

2. You should never say “internment” and “hospital” in the same sentence in this area, because you have about a 50/50 chance of making it out of there alive. I’m not exaggerating.

3. The universe is conspiring to keep me from getting work done. Broken hydraulic hoses, broken loader bracket on the tractor, brakes went out on the pickup, battery died on the pickup, flat tire, broken air conditioner hose on the tractor, wind blew the gutters off the house, cow with a broken leg, cow with broken leg fell in the dam and had to be pulled out. And that was just the last week and a half.

Awesome

1. My 9-year old cousin drew the picture above on my whiteboard in they gym. It perfectly illustrates Awesome and Not Awesome.

2. My cousin ND is a freshman in college and joined the crew team. I’m living vicariously through her and I’m ever so proud of her. Telephone conversations with her about 5 am workouts on the lake make me want to get my butt in gear.

3. I actually got a workout in today!

Workout:

20 rounds of:
1 rep Back squat – 73#
1 rep Push Press – 73#
1 rep Power Clean – 73#

rest 5 minutes

Sled drag (light) x 6 x 50 yards

Awesome!

Today’s music:

Chaos and Mayhem

My day started off nice and bright. The weather so far this fall has been picture perfect – cool, crisp, calm and sunny. I took the puppy out for a two mile hike early in the morning. Then right before lunch I went down to the dungeon to do a quick workout and found it to be in disarray. You can see for yourself in the picture above.

I hate working in the midst of a mess. Messy desk, messy shop, messy gym – doesn’t matter, I can’t function until it’s straightened up. The workout room arrived in this state because of two things: Chaos and Mayhem. Chaos is nine years old and she is in the fourth grade; Mayhem is five years old and she is in the first grade. I was with them when this mess was made, but when you are in their presence you pretty much aren’t aware of the degree of destruction occurring. It isn’t until after the fact that you realize a herd of rampaging wilderbeasts ran roughshod through your house.

I would like to point out that these children are not my own, they are my cousins. I’m not one of those people that says “If those were my kids they would never act that way.” Yeah, right. If they were my kids they’d act exactly that way, and perhaps much worse.

Our extended family always goes out to a restaurant on Sunday afternoons to have a meal (obviously, why else would you got to a restaurant – to play pachisi?) One day the pastor of our church joined us and I sat down first. He was going to sit down next to me when my uncle yelled out “No! Do NOT sit by Tami!” The poor pastor had the strangest look on his face, probably thinking “I just shook hands with this woman and she has a Biblical case of the plague, leprosy and smallpox all rolled into one. Must go home and douse myself in gasoline!” Then my uncle explained, “Wherever Tami sits is where the kids sit, and wherever the kids sit is chaos and mayhem.”

But I digress, and it looks like I digressed quite a bit. After viewing the mess and weeping gently for a few minutes, I cleaned up the gym and did this workout:

9 hang power cleans – 73#
10 ball slams – 16#
6 hang power cleans
15 ball slams
3 hang power cleans
20 ball slams

3:18

Just a nice quick sprint to test out my sore leg and shoulder. Looks like it’s all systems go!