That’ll Show Her!

The aftermath…

I have a ten month old border collie puppy and a large chunk of my time is spent trying to find ways to tire her out. If you’ve never had a border collie, then you may not realize how much energy they have. It’s almost and endless reservoir. They need to be occupied, they need WORK, or else they will find work. When they find it on their own it’s usually things like: decorating the entire garage with those bags of potting soil that were stored in the corner; taking an empty cardboard box, shredding it into bite size pieces and distributing it evenly throughout the yard; or digging a hole in the garden big enough to lose the car in. You know, useful stuff like that.

I’ve tried fetch – she can fetch all day and never tire of it. Ditto walking. We could walk from sunup to sundown and she wouldn’t even blink. So I decided today that going for a bike ride would be a totally awesome idea. I can ride, she can run, and a half hour later she’ll want a nap.

Well, three miles later the older dog and I collapsed on the garage floor in a pile of sweat and drool and the pup wasn’t even breathing hard. And she had taken a good half mile detour to chase a car at top speed. We sure showed her!

Yes, I have been lifting weights and slinging kettlebells, but I haven’t ridden a bike for a good two years. The last time was a seven mile ride on a flat, wooded trail, and it was easy. I thought three miles would be no problem, but this three miles was full of hills. No lie, I could hardly walk down the stairs afterwards. I’m glad the older dog was along to verify the difficulty of this adventure. He’s a three year old border collie and is no slouch himself, but he was downright knackered. He would like nothing more than to see the puppy go away anyhow, and now she’s making him look weak. The nerve!

Watch out Lance Armstrong, we’re coming for you! Right after we can move our legs again!

Turkish Get Up Tutorial


Here is an excellent tutorial on the Turkish Get Up from Neghar Fonooni. She breaks it down very clearly and also provides an excellent explanation of the “packed shoulder.” That’s a term that is thrown around quite a lot in kettlebell and strength circles, but this is the only place I’ve ever seen it explained.

Be sure to check out Neghar’s youtube channel and her website.

The Spud is My Bud

Box Squat – 5/3/1+
73# / 80# / 90# (10 reps, submax, belt)

I put my new Spud, Inc. Bench Belt to use tonight on the last set. I love it and highly recommend it. My only complaint: they don’t make a size small. The medium fits me now, but I have 50 pounds to lose and I’m afraid I’m going to undergrow it. That will be a lovely problem to have and I’ll take that any day, but since I’m a worry wart I’m already fretting about losing my new found favorite belt.

The problem I have with all other kinds of weight belts is that I’m very vertically challenged (5’2″) and I have a really short torso. The typical wide weight belts end up halfway up my ribcage, and let me tell you that’s just plain uncomfortable. The Spud bench belt is much narrower and softer and fits me just right.

I tried out several different accessory exercises after the squats and my back immediately tightened up. I asked myself “Are you stupid or something?” I got an answer I didn’t particularly like, and called it a night. Three marathon days of ranch work, power tool usage and various manual labor have left me a little sore and rest seems the prudent thing.

Just Yer Basic Deads

Warmup:
Clams/Glute Bridges
X-Band walks
3 x 5 double kettlebell swings – 16kg/hand

Deadlift – 3/3/3+
153# / 175# / 198# (5 reps, straps, belt)

I was a bit under the weather tonight, so I just did a quick warmup and got my deadlift sets in. I used the belt on all sets (including warmup sets) because my low back has been sore for the last few days. In spite of (or perhaps because of) not feeling well the last set felt easy. I didn’t go for max reps so I still had a bit left in the tank, which is a good way to end for the day.

Turkish Butt-Kickers

Press – 3/3/3+
45# / 52# / 58# (8 reps)

Three rounds of:
Double kettlebell jerks x 10
Turkish Get-Ups x 5/side
Kettlebell snatch x 10/side
8kg

I swear, the Turkish get-ups should be renamed the Turkish butt-kickers, ’cause they kick my butt every time. I plan a workout or warm up with them and I think “Tra la-la-la-la. Turkish get-ups, those are lovely and easy.” Then I start doing them and I’m suddenly drenched in sweat, quivering and wimpering.

Also, I possibly did many more snatches than I needed to because I am the world’s worst counter. Anything over three reps and my mind starts to wander. Then I come to and realize I have no idea if I’ve just done rep five or if I’ve actually done rep three or eight and my subconscious mind (the only one even kinda paying attention) decided to randomly pick the number five out of the air, just to mess with me.

I know, I need help.

False Start

Warmup:
Jump rope
foam roll
KB swings, 12kg, 5 x 10

Box Squat – 3/3/3+
66# / 76# / 85# (6 reps, submax)

Squat Lockouts – 3 x 5
125#

Walking lunges – 3 x 10
2-8kg kb, rack position

I had several false starts today. First, I either slept through my alarm or forgot to set it, because I didn’t wake up until almost 9:00. Yikes! The cats were not very happy about having their breakfast delayed. Good thing they aren’t house cats or they may have just started to eat me.

Then later in the afternoon I started to do the workout I had planned for this morning and got as far as the warmup and got interrupted. Bugger!

Finally, I threw some pork chops in the sous vide and headed to the basement to throw some iron around.

And now I’m happy, and will be even happier after I consume my lovely pork chop. To all a good night.

Biggest Loser Job Opening

I was trolling the internet tonight and I came across a story about Anna Kournikova being dumped from the Biggest Loser. Seems like they will be seeking a new trainer for the next season. Then an idea came to me: how awesome would it be if Mark Rippetoe was the trainer on that show?

Biggest Loser Contestant: What exercises will we be doing?
Rip: There is simply no other exercise, and certainly no machine, that produces the level of central nervous system activity, improved balance and coordination, skeletal loading and bone density enhancement, muscular stimulation and growth, connective tissue stress and strength, psychological demand and toughness, and overall systemic conditioning than the correctly performed full squat.
BLC: Do I have to squat – can’t I do something else?
Rip: There are few things graven in stone, except that you have to squat or you’re a pussy.
BLC: I don’t know how to squat.
Rip: I can teach idiots to squat in ten minutes.
BLC: But squats are hard!
Rip: Only people willing to work to the point of discomfort on a regular basis using effective means to produce that discomfort will actually look like they have been other-than-comfortable most of the time.
BLC: Don’t yell at me like that!
Rip: Poor form in the gym is caused by insufficient yelling.

Rip would also be the nutritional counselor on the show:

Rip: I have bought 4-6 double cheeseburgers and thrown away the bread many times. But I think they just raised the price from $1 to $1.25. Rapists.
BLC: I’m a vegetarian. I don’t even eat chicken.
Rip: Okay, have you ever been around chickens? They are stupid, uncooperative, inconvenient, ill-tempered creatures. They get what they deserve. F**k chickens.
BLC: What else could I eat?
Rip: You need to drink one gallon of full fat milk everyday. It’s almost mandatory.
BLC: I don’t consume dairy, either.
BLC: Baby mammals drink milk, and you sir, are a baby mammal.
BLC: OK, what if I drank 2 gallons of milk a day instead of one?
Rip: But you would be shitting primarily cheese. Are you ready for this?

Now that would be entertaining.